What now?
by Calico Star
Summary: Cuddy has a secret, Wilson discovered it. House knows they are keeping a secret, can he find out what it is? Sequel to Alway have, always will
1. Chapter 1

This is a sequel to "Always have, alway will"

* * *

Previously on ...

_He was staring at her, wide-eyed, and she was still glaring at him in her earlier stance when they were interrupted._

"_Really, Cuddy, you cannot expect ..."_

_His piercing blue eyes took in the scene, "Woah, someone is in trouble! What did you do Jimmy? Can I watch the show? Are you just going to yell, or is this going to get physical?"_

_They both rolled their eyes at him, but the tension was gone. She straightened up and James stood._

"_I think maybe, I, uh, I should leave." Wilson made to leave, but only reached the door._

"_Dr Wilson."_

_He turned back and met her eyes. He nodded his answer and hoped she could see the sincerity in his._

"_Yes ma'am."_

_He left then, and Cuddy closed her eyes briefly and almost relaxed before remembering that the subject under discussion was still in the room, watching her with his all too perceptive eyes. Pulling herself together for the second time in the past few minutes, and turned to him._

"_So House, what was the problem that had you bursting into my office without knocking, again?"_

* * *

When he walked in on them, they had been glaring at each other, no scrap that, Cuddy had been glaring, at her intimidating best, while Wilson had looked like he had been hit across the face with a wet fish. Whatever comment he had made had brought them back to the present, but Wilson had left hurriedly, stopping only to give Cuddy what he could only guess was meant to be reassurance when she called out to him. Cuddy stared after Wilson, almost forgetting his presence, with a look of what was it – relief? – yes, relief.

Cuddy could ignore him when she was angry with him, but she was always aware of him. The fact that whatever it was that had happened between Wilson and her was important enough to her that she could forget he was in the room, meant that it was big, and therefore, naturally, it mean that he needed to find out what was going on.


	2. Chapter 2

James felt shellshocked. The ground had shifted beneath his feet. He had known Cuddy did more for House, put up with more from him than any other administrator would, and for that matter, had. He guessed that he had never really looked any deeper than that, assuming somewhat vaguely as most people seemed to do, that it had its roots in guilt.

Now he knew the truth and he was blown away. He had been watching her expressions as she reminisced, his presence forgotten, and suddenly the pieces fell together. The depth of feeling she had unconsciously revealed was breathtaking. He had fallen in love, rather often, but never had he felt anything like that. And then to realise she meant to do nothing about it, it seemed inconceivable.

He avoided House for as long as possible, knowing that he needed a bit more perspective before he could be vaguely convincing at avoiding House's inevitable questions. He had made a promise and he intended to keep it.


	3. Chapter 3

What had she done?

All these years, and no-one had known. Most people would never even have guessed. Then she had to go and ruin it all, and it wasn't just anyone who had discovered her secret, but there was only one person who could possibly have been worse. Could she trust him to keep this to himself? She thought he was sincere in his promise to do so, even though his first loyalty was always with House.

She had made peace with her feelings and her decision a long time ago, and if it meant the occasional evenings spent letting the shower drown out her tears, then that was nobodies business but hers. She had never consciously rejected the possibility of finding someone else, but inevitably the hospital had taken over her life and relationships came in second. Occasionally all her emotions and memories were stirred up and it took a few painfully hard days to get herself back together again, but it was usually only after a particularly trying conversation with her mother, or House nearly dying. As she dragged herself into the hospital after a sleepless night, she considered balefully that this time it was all James' fault and daydreamed of bloodthirsty revenge. The nursing staff wisely steered a wide berth around an administrator muttering under her breath about the pros and cons of various methods of torture, medieval and modern.


	4. Chapter 4

Something was up.

Cuddy wasn't saying anything. Her makeup was brilliant, but House could still see the exhaustion playing round her eyes. For several days after that encounter in her office, it seemed to him that she hadn't had any sleep. Since then, she had been better, but remained a little wary around both House and Wilson.

Even though House had bugged him, Wilson was keeping unusually quiet about what happened. He got this dreamy look on his face whenever Cuddy was mentioned though. House was fairly sure he wasn't in love, it was one emotion of Wilson's he had plenty of experience seeing. The only thing Wilson would say, was that he should be nicer to Cuddy.

House ran through the differential in his head.

_**She was sick. **_This didn't seem likely. Other than the fatigue and nervousness, House couldn't see any symptoms and he was fairly sure she still trusted him enough to come to him with anything serious healthwise.

_**She had cancer.**_ That would explain why Wilson was involved and why he was keeping it quiet. Would explain the tiredness.

_**She had a mystery lover.**_ She might want to keep this secret but he could always tell when she was happy, she glowed. He hadn't seen any evidence of that, so far ... unless of course ...

_**She was being beaten by said mystery lover. **_ No obvious physical bruising, but then there wouldn't necessarily be. It would explain the nervousness, and stress would explain the sleepless nights.

_**She and Wilson had had an affair.**_ No, House didn't think he could have missed that. Wilson certainly couldn't have hidden that from him. Although he supposed it could have been one night instead of an affair.

_**She had fallen in love with Wilson.**_ Even if the above wasn't true, this was still possible. He knew she was very good at hiding how she felt. He was pretty sure Wilson wasn't in love with her, but would be kind enough to keep that kind of secret for her.

He was angry at the possibility that someone could be hurting Cuddy, and concerned that cancer could take her away. He needed to know what was going on. He needed more information. He would have to keep a closer eye on her, and continue trying to get more from Wilson.


	5. Chapter 5

"What the hell did you say to him?", demanded Cuddy as she stormed into Wilson's office.

Wilson blinked up at the avenging fury who had marched in on him, a vision in grey and white.

"I only said he should be nicer to you."

"What are you trying to do to me, do you want to give me a heart attack?" She threw herself down in one of his chairs and laughed shortly.

"Why?"

"He is behaving very oddly. He's been watching me, being careful what he says. He complains as much as before, but then he actually goes and does clinic duty."

"And this is a bad thing?"

"It's weird!" she complained. They sat in silent contemplation for a short while.

"Lisa," he started hesitantly, "are you sure you shouldn't talk to … um, tell …"

She interrupted him, "No! I don't think it would be a good idea, not now, and quite possibly never. Can you honestly tell me that you think there is any way this could end well?"

Lisa hated hearing the faintest whisper of hope in her query, and hoped that James hadn't picked up on it.

His glance was keen, but he showed no other sign of hearing the wistful tinge to her voice. He shook his head, as much as he wanted to see both of them happy, and as often as he chased this idea round and round in his head, he just could not predict what House was likely to do if he found out. It could go amazingly well or spectacularly badly, with not much middle ground.

He sighed, and said, "I don't know. I can't promise it will go wonderfully, or even well, … but … don't you deserve the chance?"

"And lose what I have? Is it really worth that? What we have now works, why destroy it with only a long shot that it will be better."

She rose with a sigh, there was work to get back to, turning at the doorway to say,

"I meant what I said, about wanting nothing to change." She paused, "I know how to deal with 'normal'. This, I don't know how to do."

He waited until she was out of earshot, before putting his head in his hands and saying softly, "And you have no idea how sad that is, do you?"


	6. Chapter 6

The unseen observer waited until James had finished staring thoughtfully after Lisa and returned his attention to his work, before slipping away.

_Thump bounce plop_

_Thump bounce plop_

So now he knew a little more. He had planned on going over to bug Wilson, and steal some of his lunch, taking the shortcut over their balconies. He heard Cuddy storm in, and smirked. James was in trouble again! So he settled back against the wall to wait for the light show. Then ...

_Thump bounce plop_

_Thump bounce plop_

Well he could rule out cancer. And abusive boyfriend. If he was reading the conversation right, Cuddy was in love with someone, who didn't know and who she believed, wouldn't love her back.

_Thump bounce plop_

_Thump bounce plop_

How she could possibly imagine that any sane man would turn her down was anybody's guess. And Wilson, Wilson should be shot for not telling her so. She was beautiful, smart, funny and successful. She cared about people, sometimes too much for her own sake.

_Thump bounce plop_

_Thump bounce plop_

What he couldn't understand was how he could have missed it. The past few years had passed in a daze of agony and Vicodin it was true, but he had still always paid attention to her. She was his North Star, the constant in his universe, one of the only ones he had in a universe torn apart and twisted beyond recognition. She and Wilson had been there, through day after agonising day as he learned to deal with the pain that was to be his constant companion forevermore. They gave him something to cling to as everything else was ripped away. So he watched them, analysed them, because anything that affected them, affected him.

_Thump bounce plop_

_Thump bounce plop_

Well at least it wasn't Wilson she had fallen for. He wouldn't acknowledge the weight that lifted when he had realised that.

_Thump bounce plop_

_Thump bounce plop_

He twirled the oversized tennis ball in his hands. He needed more information, but no one was telling him anything. It was time to put all his resources to use. Time to give the ducklings something to do.


	7. Chapter 7

"New patient. 30 something female, high powered job, obsessive, workaholic who is fatigued, stresses and nervous. And she's lying about something."

"Come on House, an obsessive workaholic with stress!! What on earth could be the matter with her then?!"

"When have you ever known Cuddy to be nervous?"

All three gaped at him.

"What? What are you doing? Since when is Cuddy our patient?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Since I said so. She is hiding something, we need to find out what."

"Why?"

"Because I said so, D'uh!"

"But ... "

"Because whatever she is hiding is making her far more stressed out than normal. Because anything wrong with her affects the hospital, anything that affects the hospital affects the staff. And seeing as she has made it her personal mission to make my life miserable at the best of times, a stressed out Cuddy could create several new levels of hell specially for me." He shuddered dramatically, "and of course, I would have to pass on the joy! Now people, assignments ..."

* * *

"Cuddy" 

"---"

"How are you? Is everything OK?"

"---"

"No, I didn't mean that's the only reason you would phone, just that, well, you don't normally phone me at work, so I was worried."

"---"

"Oh! When were you thinking of?" She sounded a little hesitant.

"---"

"No, it's not that I don't want you to come, it's just that it's rather sudden, and I wanted to work out if I could take some time off."

"---"

"OK, I'll see you then." She put the phone down and stared at it for a long moment, before huffing "Never, never say it can't get any worse." Then she pulled up her diary to see what she could rearrange in order to have a couple of days off during the week her mother had decided she was spending with her, arriving in two days time.

* * *

A/N. Don't shoot me, I know it's short, but next chapter will be up soon. 


	8. Chapter 8

True to form, she was called in to the hospital on the Saturday afternoon that her mother arrived. They had just got her all settled in and were planning on spending the rest of the day shopping.

"I'm sorry, Ma, but we will have to stop off at the hospital on the way. Something's come up that I need to deal with, but hopefully it won't be more than half an hour or so."

"That's fine, dear. I can wait in your office, or in the canteen. It'll be nice to see where you work."

Mrs Cuddy settled herself on the couch in Lisa's office and pulled out a magazine. She watched as her daughter sat down at her desk and transformed into Dr Cuddy, Dean of Medicine. She was completely focussed as she made phone calls and answered emails relating to the latest crisis. It was interesting to see this professional side to her daughter in action. The calls seemed to be winding down when a scruffy man with a cane barged into the office without knocking.

"Nice! Letting the twins out in casual gear today. The twins thank you and I thank you!" he said, leering at her chest.

And her daughter, who was normally very good at cutting a man down to size for that kind of comment, just rolled her eyes and continued with her work, asking, "What do you want House? It's my day off!"

He leaned forward conspiratorially, and stage whispered, "I'll let you in on a trade secret, Cuddy, days off are generally spent away from ones office."

She sighed and demanded, "Was there anything specific you came about, House?"

"Well d'uh. Apart from getting a look at the twins, why else would I be here in the wicked witch's office."

Lisa merely glared at him.

"Oh you want to know what it is? Well I need your authorisation to run some tests." He threw a folder down on the desk. "The patient is an idiot by the way. Just in case you hadn't noticed. And she is lying about something, just need to figure out what."

"Because everybody lies." came the tired reply.

Lisa looked over the file quickly, before questioning him on results of the previous tests. The conversation was quickfire, back and forth, with lots of terms that went straight over Mrs Cuddy's head. But she was watching her daughter not listening to the words, this was a whole different side again to her. She was wholly engaged in the discussion, vibrant, this man brought out the best in her professionally. He also seemed to bring out something in her personally, something Mrs Cuddy hadn't seen from her in a long time.

Lisa signed something in the file and handed it back to House, saying "You can do the first two tests. The other one is not necessary at this stage."

"But Mom!" he whined, pitch perfect for a little boy who couldn't get his way.

"No!"

Mrs Cuddy chuckled at the mental image of her Lisa as mother to this overgrown, recalcitrant schoolboy, drawing the attention of the two doctors.

Piercing blue eyes surveyed her, taking in every detail.

He whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "Cuddy, there is someone in your office!"

Lisa rolled her eyes again, it seemed to be a habit of hers while dealing with this man. "House meet my mother, Ma meet Dr Gregory House."

"So you're the lucky grandmother!"

"Excuse me?" she said, shocked.

"House!" came simultaneously from Lisa, her cheeks tinged with red.

"Of a bouncing baby hospital. Your daughter is a good administrator, if a little overly neurotic about her baby. But then what mother isn't" House's expression was innocent, but his eyes were dancing.

"If that is all House, we have things to do." It was a clear dismissal.

"It was nice to meet you, Mrs Cuddy." He limped out with a casual smirk at her daughter.


	9. Chapter 9

Her mother had been slightly distracted ever since meeting House. Lisa knew questions were going to be asked sooner or later. House had after all been in fine form and that all on its own always elicited questions from anyone who met him for the first time. When her mother did speak about it though, she shocked Lisa.

"I'm sorry, Lisa. All this time I have been chasing you about settling down, finding someone, having a family. I thought the hospital was taking up all your time, and one day you would suddenly find yourself alone. I didn't realise that you had already found someone."

"What, no, you mean House, no we aren't."

"I know dear, but you love him." The tone was gentle, but it was a definite statement of fact.

"Do I have a sign tattooed on my forehead suddenly? How come does it suddenly seem so obvious to everyone." Lisa huffed in frustration. Her life was rapidly spinning out of control, and with each step it just got worse.

"It's not obvious, dear, but I know you." after a short pause she continued, "You were in love with him in college. I knew that, but I thought you had moved on, become just friends. I thought your career ..."

"You're right mostly. My job, the hospital keeps me busy, there is very little time for anything else. I have been out with other people, but things keep getting in the way, and ..."

"And nothing can quite compete anyway."

Lisa sighed, her only acknowledgement to the accuracy of her mother's deductions.

"You have to promise me, Ma, you will not say anything to him. He doesn't know and he can't know."

"If you say so."

"Promise?"

"OK, I promise. Tell me what he is like. I'm guessing from what I saw today he must make your job rather difficult, but interesting."

Lisa laughed. "Those are two of the milder terms people have used to describe him. He is opinionated, self-centred, an ass who always believes he is right. He is rude and determined to get his own way. I have to fight him every step of the way just to get him to do his job."

"But ..."

"But he is a genius, which means that, infuriating as it is, he is right almost every time. He saves lives. He is funny and talented. He can make me feel better with a sarcastic comment, than any other person can with compliments. And sometimes, just occasionally, he does something completely unexpected and shows that underneath it all he isn't the ass he portrays most of the time. There are few people he really cares for, but for them, he will do practically anything."

Mrs Cuddy smiled softly at her daughter. She had promised her she would say nothing to Dr House of what she had learned today, but there was something she had long wanted to discuss with him, and the revelations of today just made it more important. Plus she was just plain curious to talk to the man who had captured her fiery daughter's heart.


	10. Chapter 10

House was finishing off his lunch in the hospital cafeteria. Wilson had just left, as apparently he had work to do, patients to see. He figured he might as well hang around for a bit, it was as good a place to hide out as any, especially now while it was quiet. He looked up to see Mrs Cuddy enter, and groaned a little at the thought that maybe this wasn't going to be the best place to hide, and yet, it might offer him the opportunity for observing Cuddy.

Mrs Cuddy collected and paid for her coffee before looking round the cafeteria, deciding where to sit. She caught House's eyes, and motioned to him, asking silently if it was OK to join him. He nodded, and cleared a space amongst the mess he and Wilson had left.

With a quiet, "Thank you." she sat down and took a sip of her coffee. Two pairs of blue eyes assessed one another. He saw an older, calmer version of Cuddy, amused blue eyes examining him as carefully as he was examining her, hair a shade lighter than Cuddy's, streaked with silver. This was very likely what his Cuddy would look like in another twenty or so years.

"So, have you been abandoned in favour of the baby? Don't say I didn't warn you, she is a little neurotic."

Mrs Cuddy merely smiled as she shook her head, and lightly replied, "Just arrived a little early, so I thought I would wait here for her."

Her expression turned serious, and she looked him straight in the eyes as she asked, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

Keen blue eyes narrowed at her.

"You can ask anything you want." He shrugged, "I might not reply, of course." He started rolling his cane between his hands.

"Of course!" she paused for a moment, unsure how he was going to react, but this was something she needed to ask, had wanted to do so for a long time.

"Do you blame my daughter for your leg, for your pain?"

The shock in his eyes was clear, but quickly hidden, as he tried to break down what she wanted to know.

"The truth!"

The quiet statement surprised him, as she appeared to have been reading his thoughts. He nodded at her, before staring thoughtfully at the shiny handle of his cane.

"No." She heard the truth in the statement, simple though it was.

He continued, talking more to himself than her now, "I was angry, so angry, with the misdiagnosis, with Stacy, with myself, with everyone, with life. I had been condemned to a lifetime of pain by a misdiagnosis and by my girlfriend overriding my wishes. Everyone says she saved my life, and I should be thankful, maybe she did, but we will never know. Was it worth it? Sometimes, I don't know." She got the feeling that some of this he had probably never spoken about to anyone. "But Cuddy, Lisa, ... I was angry and in pain and I probably said a lot of things, but truth is I never blamed her. How can I blame her for not diagnosing something that I didn't until it was too late." She couldn't help but reach out and lay her hand on his briefly. He pulled himself out of his reverie, flashed her a devilish grin, and whispered conspiratorially, "I'll deny it if it gets repeated, but she is a good doctor."

Mrs Cuddy smiled at his antics, appreciating his need to lighten the atmosphere. She was relieved by his declaration, she only wished Lisa could have heard it. She looked up to find piercing blue eyes studying her consideringly.

"You seem like the kind of mother who knows her daughter. Being prepared to beard the gnarly old lion in his den, means you are as prepared to fight for her as she is for this hospital. So, I have a question."

"You can ask anything you like, doesn't mean I will answer." She paraphrased him, with a grin that reminded him of Cuddy's, when she scored points off him.

He inclined his head, acknowledging her hit, leaned forward to rest his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands.

"So, if you know your daughter, you know she is a good doctor, and a compassionate person. You know she did her best when it came to my infarction and my surgery. Why does my opinion matter?"

"You're right. It doesn't matter, to me, or to anyone who really knows her. But it does matter to her. On this subject, yours is the only opinion that matters. There is nothing I or anyone else can say to her that will make the slightest difference to the guilt she carries for it. You are the one person who could lighten that load."

They were interrupted by the clicking of Cuddy's heels as she approached. She looked at the two innocent faces watching her, and groaned internally. She knew exactly who had been the subject of their little tête a tête, and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know what part of her life they had been discussing. She should never have allowed her mother to head off to the cafeteria alone.

"Do you mind if I join you, or is this a private discussion."

House grinned at Mrs Cuddy, "Well I had better be off, clinic duty starts in a few minutes and my boss is a real hell cat. I wouldn't want to be late."

Mrs Cuddy just chuckled. He pulled himself to his feet, swaying slightly as he got his balance after having been sitting for so long. Lisa's hand automatically went to his elbow to steady him, even as she glared at him.

"Your boss will probably fall over in shock if you actually turned up at the clinic on time."

"Might do it then, just to see. As long as she remembers that this cripple won't be able to catch her." He turned back to Mrs Cuddy, with a smile, "Thanks for the chat. Enjoy your lunch."


	11. Chapter 11

Lisa walked into her house, threw her keys into the basket, kicked off her shoes and hung up her jacket. Pouring herself a stiff drink, she wandered into the lounge and collapsed on her favourite chair, all in the same dazed manner in which she had left the hospital and driven home.

She sat, staring at nothing, replaying over and over in her head the last conversation she had had.

_It had been a truly awful day. A toddler had died in the ER today__. In and of itself that was a tragedy, and would have cast it's shadow on her day. But worse news was to come, the mother had brought her into the clinic on the previous two days, and been sent home with children's paracetamol, being told it was only a cold. By the time she was seen by the ER doctor this morning, it had been too late, the meningitis had progressed too far and there was nothing they could do to save her. The rest of the day had been spent in endless meetings with the parents, doctors and lawyers, facing recriminations, justifications and threats. Through it all, pushed to the back of her mind, was the sick feeling she couldn't deal with yet. Her hospital, her doctors had failed, a child, a baby was dead and she was responsible._

_It was the end of the day before she got a moment to herself again. Closing the blinds in her office and switching the lights off, she flopped down on her couch, and allowed herself some of the tears that she had been fighting. She couldn't let go completely, not until she was safe in her own house, but she didn't have the energy to head home just yet._

_When the door opened, she knew exactly who it was. Anyone else would have seen the darkened office and assumed she had left. Fighting what she knew was a losing battle, she kept her face averted, hoping to hide the tear tracks, and ignored the intruder._

_He remained uncharacteristically silent however, lowering himself carefully into the seat across from her and leaning his chin on his stick. When she finally couldn't resist glancing his way, he was staring blankly at the table top with a small frown on his face. _

_He had been silent for so long, seemingly entranced by the light playing on the table, that when he spoke she jumped slightly. He addressed the table._

"_This habit of yours of taking on the guilt for things you have no control over is not doing you any good, you know. Feeling upset about what happened, that is you, being the compassionate person you are, doing everything you can to improve the situation and to make sure it doesn't happen again, is being a good hospital administrator. But this, beating yourself up because you feel personally responsible for the actions of others, is not helping anyone, and only hurting yourself."_

_He levered himself up out of the chair and started pacing._

"_Did you see the girl in the clinic? Did either of the clinic doctors call you for a consult?" He gave her no option of replying other than to shake her head. "__Do you make sure that all your doctors are trained and qualified? And that they have every access to updated information and training?" She nodded. _"_Do you know how easy it is to misdiagnose meningitis in the early stages, especially in a young child? Did you sign the consent form for my surgery? Did you do everything you could to fix the damage that had already been done, and to ensure the minimum of muscle loss? By the time you became involved in the case, was there really anything you could have done to have changed the situation?_

_By the time he had wound down, all she could do was stare at him, wide eyed._

"_You are not responsible!" It was soft, but emphatic. He glanced up briefly from an interesting patch of carpeting to catch her eyes, before turning and marching out of the door._

_She hadn't moved from the spot for another twenty minutes, eyes fixed on the last spot he had been. Finally, still in a daze, she had automatically gone through her routine of shutting down and locking her office._

Suddenly, the seesawing emotions of the day caught up with her and the tears started to fall. Tears for the little girl who would never play in the sun again, for the parents who had to face an unimaginable pain, and for the doctors who were having sleepless nights, second guessing their every decision. Tears of relief for a burden lifted that she hadn't even realized the weight of.

She crawled into bed hours later, exhausted, but feeling lighter than she had for years.


	12. Chapter 12

Cameron stalked into the room and flopped on one of the chairs.

"Well that was a waste of time! I have never known Wilson so close lipped when it comes to gossip. As soon as the subject of Cuddy came up, he clammed up and got this strange look on his face. The only thing he was interested in after that, was why I thought House wanted to know."

She turned to Chase.

"So have you managed to find out anything from the nurses?"

"Well, there have been some new rumours circulating lately about Cuddy and Wilson getting together, but mostly it is the same old, same old."

"So what is the normal gossip?"

"Cuddy is madly in love with House, House is madly in love with Cuddy, they're secretly together, they were together in the past, they're having a baby, they have a secret love child. Any version of the above."

"The nurses have some imagination!"

"Well you know, nothing is better than a love story, especially if it's a tragic one."

"Could you imagine House and Cuddy together?"

"I don't even want to try." Foreman mocked a shudder. Chase smiled at his antics, but they suddenly noticed that Cameron had gone very quiet.

"What's the matter?"

"Upset the rumours aren't about you and House?"

"Huh … uh, what … uh, no. Just …" she trailed off again, lost in thought. "It can't be, can it?" she muttered to herself.

"Cameron! Make sense!"

She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts, and looked up at them, eyes wide.

"I think they're right!"

"What? Who?"

"The nurses."

"You have got to be kidding me. You're the one who said they had lurid imaginations."

"It's exaggerated and dramatised certainly, but the basic truth is there."

"What are you on, girl?"

"Can't you see? It's obvious, although not obvious I suppose, 'cos I've only just seen it, but once you know, it's blindingly obvious."

They just stared at her.

Shaking her head, she muttered, "MEN!"

Then a though hit her and she stated definitively, "We **cannot** tell House!"

"That the nurses are right, or that you are mad?"

She just glared at them.

"Cuddy's secret!"

"Well right now, I couldn't tell him anything anyway, because I have no idea what you are talking about."

Chase had been replaying the conversation, trying to work out what it was she had seen that no-one else had. Nothing seemed to make sense, except …

"Wait, you think Cuddy **is** in love with House."

"It makes sense."

"But, you've seen them together."

"Yes, I have. Think about it."

"I am, I just don't see it. He treats her so badly. She spends all her time yelling at him, trying to make him do his job, cleaning up the chaos he creates."

"Why?"

"Because he is damn good at his job."

"Well that too. But anyone else would have given him up as a bad deal years ago, not worth the effort. After everything, they are still friends."

"OK. I am still not sure I agree with you, but if you are right, why does that mean that we mustn't tell him?"

She just looked at him sardonically.

"Honestly, how do you think he will react? Can you see any possible way that he won't hold this over her for months or even years? He will use it to mock her and humiliate her."

"How exactly is that different from how he treats her now."

"Because it is one thing to be mocked and know it is not true, not real. But to have your love exposed and mocked by that person, that hurts like nothing else."

"So we don't tell him the truth. But we are going to have to come up with something and something good, because he is not going to let it rest, and if he gets even a sniff that we know something, or know something different to what we are telling him, our life will not be worth living."

"We'll all take tonight to think and brainstorm tomorrow."

The door burst open, and the conspirators jumped as the subject of their conversation blew in, holding a medical file, with a scowl on his face.

"We've got a case. Nobody's going anywhere for a while."

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. Hopefully won't take so long to update next time. 


	13. Chapter 13

The new case kept them blessedly busy. The fellows appreciated the reprieve they had been granted and used some of the scarce free moments to try and concoct a story that would pass House's lie detector.

House on the other hand, was finding it hard to concentrate, fascinating though the case may be, Cameron's words haunted him. He knew they thought they had got away with it, and he wasn't about to disabuse them of that notion yet. Not until he could figure things out.

"_Honestly, how do you think he will react? Can you see any possible way that he won't hold this over her for months or even years? He will use it to mock her and humiliate her."_

"_How exactly is that different from how he treats her now."_

"_Because it is one thing to be mocked and know it is not true, not real. But to have your love for someone exposed and mocked by that person, that hurts like nothing else."_

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

They thought that she loved him! HIM?! He couldn't understand how they had come to that conclusion. Sure he threw it in her face almost every time they argued, but that was attraction, he knew there was an attraction between them. But love? Really love?

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

What if they were right? What then?

They thought he would mock her. He supposed that was a given, considering how he normally treated her and how he had reacted to Cameron's declaration. He had not missed the tinge of pain in those words.

Honestly though, he couldn't see himself doing it. Not to his Cuddy!

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

And what did that mean? When had he ever held back from mocking anyone? When did she become _**his**_ Cuddy? So ...

He stepped through the evidence.

She was someone he didn't want to imagine his life without.

Deny it though he tried, he felt guilty when he hurt her, like when he had said she would be a bad mother. If he hadn't been out of his mind with pain, he would never have said it. And he knew that no-one, ironically with the sole exception of Cuddy herself, would believe him if he told them that.

He refused to admit it, but the thought of his Cuddy dating anyone else hurt. And he knew that was why he had tried to sabotage her dates.

She knew him better than anyone, and still liked him, at least some of the time. And if they were right, and she loved him, then that was the most amazing thing anyone had ever done for him.

She didn't believe he would love her. Or, was it she didn't believe he could love her? And why did that thought hurt?

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

Ping, ping, ping, and hold. Ping, ping, ping, and hold.

Now twirling his cane instead of bouncing it, he ranged through the years of friendship with his Cuddy.

The bright, beautiful young woman he had met at university. Who had met him and matched him. Who hadn't been intimidated by his intelligence or manner, nor had she been interested in him purely physically. He had been attracted to her, knew the attraction was shared, but she gave no indication of wanting to pursue it, and he had been wary of doing anything to lose her friendship. Even then he had recognised its importance, the precious gift she gave him in her trust.

Their friendship had lost some of its closeness after university, it being virtually impossible to maintain that level of connection as they went their separate ways and embarked on gruelling schedules. Contact may have been sporadic, but it was something he looked forward to, clung to. Until that fateful day, when he had wandered into her clinic in more pain than should have been possible, and she had proved yet again the value of her friendship, and continued to do so in the years that followed, while others drifted or ran away.

Where did this leave him now? He could pretend he hadn't heard anything, pretend to accept whatever lies the ducklings thought up, but he knew no-one would believe he had simply lost interest in the puzzle. If they were truly right about her, then he had to decide what he wanted, what he felt. And what he was prepared to do about it.


	14. Chapter 14

He stormed into Wilson's office and flopped into the couch.

"They don't believe that I could possibly love anyone."

"You're surprised?"

The quip came easily, but then he raised his eyes and looked at House.

"Your team?"

He nodded.

"Now or ever?"

"Either, both, any of the above."

"Now – probably not, ever – nonsense, they have seen you in love."

"What do you mean, they have seen me in love."

"You remember Stacey? When you moped around the place for weeks, got all bent out of shape because she came back into your life, made your team's lives hell, and everyone else's. Ringing any bells? So, are you in love? If so, why don't I know about it?"

"Because Jimmy my boy, you are a worse gossip than the nurses, which is great when I want to find out what's going on, not when it's my life."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Great deflection by the way. But this is intriguing now. You wouldn't try and deflect this if there wasn't something to hide."

"Oh put away the meerschaum, do! It just got me thinking, how do you know you're in love? I mean really, not the whole promise of great sex bit."

Wilson thought back to what he had seen in Cuddy's office.

"It's really caring about someone else, enough to be prepared to do anything to help them, even if they know nothing about it. Thinking about their happiness before your own. It's knowing a person well enough to know what they really need, not what they want or what they think they need. Knowing that person's best qualities and their worst and loving them anyway."

He looked up to find House's eyes on him, a quizzical look fixed on him.

"Something you want to tell me, Jimmy boy?"

"I wish I could say that was from personal experience, but no."


	15. Chapter 15

Cuddy was standing at the window, staring out at the leafless trees, when she heard the door opening. She knew who it was without turning round, so accustomed to the fact that she could always feel his presence that she barely noticed the ability anymore. 

With a barely suppressed sigh, she started to turn, to find out what he wanted, only to be stopped by his hand on her shoulder as he turned her back to face the window. Startled, she swung her head round to look at him, catching a glimpse of his shuttered expression, more serious than she had seen him in a long time.

"Please, just stay the way you were", he said somewhat hoarsely. Bowing to his request and the subtle pressure of his hand she turned back toward the window, but watched his hazy reflection in the glass instead of the view outside.

He swallowed, apparently having difficulty with what he had to say which was intriguing because after all, he was seldom at a loss for words.

"Please, just listen, and don't interrupt until I can say this." He started rather haltingly. "I have met someone, I am not sure, but I think I may be in love." Her heart twisted painfully at his words, and she tensed, wanting to turn and run, but somehow his presence behind her and his hand on her shoulder, gentle though it was, held her in place. That and a sick fascination with what he was going to say. He sounded lost, and that was so unlike him that she couldn't have refused him anything.

"She is beautiful, but more than that, she is kind. Her support has been invaluable to me. Where most people are afraid of me or angered by me, she stands her ground and meets me face on. Somehow she manages to forgive me even when I am being a complete ass. You know me, I don't do needing anything, other than my Vicodin. Somehow she crept under the radar and became a necessity before I even realised it. I've discovered, I can't do without her."

"It seems quite clear that you love her, so what is the real problem."

"I'm scared, imagine that."

"Of what?"

"Of losing her, I would rather have only what we have now than not have her in my life at all."

"Do you know how she feels?"

"I think that maybe she loves me, I hope she does, but she has never said anything to let me know. Which means ... maybe like most people, she thinks that I am incapable of a relationship."

"If that's true, then she doesn't know you at all, does she? You may keep it well hidden, but you have a good heart, and a great capacity for love."

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course I do. You forget, I've known you for a long time. And while I might not be a **board** certified diagnostician like someone I know, I am quite good at reading people."

"What would you suggest I do?"

"Ask her!"

"So do you?"

"What?"

"Do you love me?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"You told me I had to ask, so I'm asking, do you love me?"

"You mean …"

"Yeah."

She swung round, her eyes sparking with fury, forcing him to take a step back and brace himself against her desk.

"I'm going to kill him. I should have known I couldn't trust him with this, should have known he'd go running to you."

He grabbed her wrists to prevent her stalking off and pulled her towards him anchoring them against the desk with their joined hands.

"Wilson never said a word, he has been annoyingly tight lipped about whatever he heard from you, and goes mooney eyed every time you are mentioned, which let me tell you is so not a good look for him."

"So ... how ... what ...?"

"Score one for the good looking doctor, I've managed to reduce you to gibberish. Actually, if you care to remember, I am the head of Diagnostics and I am pretty good at figuring things out all by my little self."

He smirked down at her, before turning serious again.

"I figured it out but then I realized that apparently you had no intention of ever telling me. And that made me wonder why? Don't get me wrong, I can understand anyone's reluctance to get involved with me, but it hasn't stopped you getting involved in my life and doing more for me than anyone else I know. So it had to be that you thought I didn't love you, or that I couldn't love you. Which led me to ask myself if I didn't love you, or if I couldn't love you, or rather if I couldn't love, because if I couldn't love you I wasn't sure I was capable of loving anyone. So I spent a long time thinking about it, and the one definite answer I came up with was that I couldn't lose you, I couldn't, and didn't even want to try to, imagine my life without you. And I figured this was something I should share with you, and as you so succinctly put it earlier, there isn't really much doubt that I do love you, so the question is what do you want to do about it?"

She stared at him in disbelief. This may be everything she had ever dreamed of but she couldn't believe it was really happening. Did he really mean what he was saying, or was he making fun of her?

"Earth to Cuddy! Generally when one receives a proposal of any sort, a response is called for – whether it is a slap in the face, a maybe, or a yes. I'm leaning towards the yes personally, although the slap could be fun too."

His gentle sarcasm pulled her back, and she looked into his eyes, hoping to find some clue as to how to respond. What she found there was an earnest seriousness she hadn't seen since college.

Her heart beat suddenly sped up. This was real!

_...Shameless, when it comes to loving you, I'll do anything you want me to, I'll do anything at all... ...And I'm standing, here for all the world to see, there ain't that much left of me, that has very far to fall... ...Swore I'd never compromise, but you convinced me otherwise, I'll do anything you need... ...I have never found what I couldn't resist, that I couldn't turn down, I could walk away from anyone I ever knew, but I can't walk away from you... ...I have never let anything have this much control over me, I worked too hard to call my life my own... ...I made myself a world and it worked so perfectly, but it's your world now, I can't refuse, I never had so much to lose..._

Billy Joel: Shameless

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A/N: Thanks to all of you who stuck with this story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. 


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